I do

I do love myself as a person. I think that I have a big heart and care a lot about people. It's just hard for me to except change I guess. I was just wondering why people stop hanging out with me. That's all. I don't want to invite people to my birthday or to my wedding or whatever if they really don't even really want to go but they just don't want to hurt my feelings. I just look back on memories and I miss how it use to be. I'm sorry that I think about those times. But at times I'm home alone and want to pick up the phone or I do and never receive a phone call back ever. It would be different if any one of you guys wrote about this. Because most of you guys hang out already. I do love myself but of course there are times I don't. I think everyone has those moments. I don't mean to make anyone mad or whatever but I don't know where else to vent. I vent to my boyfriend and stuff but I don't know what else to do so I type and it makes me feel better. I'll get over it...life will move on....I guess I just miss Cali already.....I met some friends down there that I miss. It was easy and it brought back memories of when I hung out with everyone. It just sucked to move and no one called me or anything and I have always been the one to call. I know that I haven't really called Amanda or Nicole but I always felt awkward too. I still consider you guys friends. Ashley called me when I was there. Amanda called me the day I left....which made me feel good. I miss everyone dearly and it sucks that everything had to change cause I've never had as much fun as I have with any friends. I just have always told myself that I want to stay close to my friends in high school and hang out but I don't.

I'm sorry. I really am....I don't care if no one believes me. And it probably just all sounds pathetic to everyone but I'm not trying to make it that way. I won't EVER write about this shit again. I PROMISE.

I realized today after talking to my boyfriend, that no matter what, he'll always be my best friend, always by my side and that's all that matters. It's just hard sometimes. I'm a sensive person. I don't meant to upset people or anything.

Thank you guys for the memories that I have. I'll never forget any of you. You guys are really great people and I just want you girls to know that. Don't let any guy let you think it otherwise. You will all find that one special person that will treat you the way that you should be treated and he'll come when you least expect it.

Bye.